MY LIFE EXPERIENCE IN AMERICA

Brigid Igwebuike

Professor Lunday Robert

English 1301

11^th November, 2012.

My Life Experience in America

          Experience is the best teacher. In everything we do, we can learn from it. Life changing experiences happen every day. Some are good and some are bad. The most important is how you react to your situation and if it changes you positively or negatively. I came from eastern part of Nigeria, West Africa. I have been brought up in a family that regards and upholds education with the greatest respect. There is an ideology in my family that each and every person has to go through college before he or she is allowed to make his or her own decisions. Coming from such a family, I knew from my childhood that school was an obligation and not an option. My father was an accountant, and he worked with the Ministry of Education.  My mother was a sectary in a law firm.  I am the last girl in a family of three boys and two girls. I attended primary, high school (secondary school), and college in Nigeria.  During my primary school days, my father would take me and my siblings to school, and when it was time to come back home my mother would pick us up. My mom will helps us with our assignments.  Then when I finished my assignments, I would go to any new born baby’s house and help out.  But when I entered secondary school, it was a different story. I was in the boarding school. Where we have schedules that guided us, but there were no babies in the school to visit and I really missed it. So I concentrated in my studies and came out with good grade.  I took senior secondary school certificate finals and Jamb Exams (an entrance examine to the university). I was an admitted into a University (Nnamdi Azikiwe University) to study Accounting. However, while in college my brother invited me to America. My life experience in America has been a different story before marriage, during marriage, and after marriage.

          Before I got married, I came to United States of America on 1st June, 2003, to visit my brother, and his family.  My flight landed in Atlanta Georgia, and my brother and his family came to pick me up at the airport. My brother was behaving strangely in the airport, so I asked him “Brother, why are you smiling at everybody?”  He laughed, and said, “Welcome to America, where we greet with a simile!” From that day, I learnt to greet with a smile. I enjoyed my stay with my brother because he made sure I was so comfortable in his house. He enrolled me in Georgia Perimeter College. When I started my developmental classes, it was fun because my brother’s wife was in school too. We use to drive to school together she taught me how to manage my academic efforts. I met my husband in Atlanta Georgia in a Nigerian community party.  Precisely, he stared at me from a glance without me noticing it. After the party, he walked up to me, and said, “Can I have a chat with you?” So we chatted, and he asked me a lot about me.  We exchanged phone numbers. The following day, he called me more than four times to check on me, and to know how I was doing. This really trilled me. The next day, he called again, and asked if we could go to the Atlanta zoo for a site walk. It was a fun filled day. I was so excited to meet a new friend, and little did I know he would be my husband.  Four days after the Nigerian convention party, he went back to Houston where he was living. He was so good at keeping in touch. He calls me as early as 6 a.m. before leaving for work, and he calls more than six times in a day. A month later, he visited Atlanta Georgia again, and he stayed for the weekend. I started loving him.  We got to know ourselves for a long period of time in which I never regretted knowing him because I truly loved him. But I was a little scared because I have always been disappointed by men and I had less trust in them. He guaranteed me to trust him because it was for real.  He proposed to me on the phone, and said, “Sweetheart will you marry me?” I was astonished, and I said, by God’s grace yes. I called my parent in Nigerian, and told them. Two months later, he came and met my brother to ask my hand in marriage. Our Nigerian tradition stipulates that before a girl gets married some tradition rights have to be performed, to please our ancestors. The traditional marriage was done that same week he came. Relatives and friends were invited, and it was a big feast. The party began with the traditional rights at 6 p.m. in the evening where the bride price was mentioned, and it was paid by husband; after which they brought out six girls in front of my husband with their face covered for my husband to identify his wife to be. Through traditional rights the man has to identify the wife among the six girls. And this is difficult because you do not even know who your wife is among the six girls.  My husband tried, and got it right. It was really fun. Everything went smoothly that night and we both had to leave Georgia for Houston the next morning. So after three months in Georgia, I got married to a tall, handsome man.

          During my marriage, I moved to Houston with my husband. The marriage was so good for one week, and got bad because I wanted to start going to school or get a job. He rejected both ideas and said, “I should stay home, start having kids, and take care of the kids.” I felt very bad, but I do not have any options.  In my culture, the husband decides what happens in the family. I stayed home and started having kids. My husband was so happy when I got pregnant for our first baby; especially, when the doctor announced he was a boy. He even went as far as naming the unborn baby “Emeka” before I put to birth.  I had a nice baby shower with all my family around me, and everybody was pleased to welcome Emeka. Finally, I gave birth and my husband treated him like a king. He would come back from work early, and help out with the baby while I rest. It was really nice experience as both of us enjoyed it. Not until things started changing, when I took in for the third child. Although, I love taking care of babies, the experience was so bad because he never stayed at home to help with anything.  He went to work as early at 6 a.m., closed from work by 5 p.m., and then stayed out until 12 a.m. all in the name of staying back at his job or doing overtime. Little did I know he was cheating on me? He got so busy that even the food I cooked at home, he won’t take a bite of it. It was really strange to me. I would be at home alone with the kids, and sometimes with no food at home.  It was horrible.  I really got hurt with his attitude, but could not change it. Although, he tried paying all the bills, I was not happy. I prayed to God believing that He would touch his heart and change my husband. This went on for a while I had no option than to tell his family. When I was pregnant with our third child, he sent me packing back to Georgia to my brother’s house. And when my family asked him, “why?” he said, “I don’t want her around” I guess he was hiding from his responsibilities. I drove for eighteen hours to Georgia, stayed in Georgia for seven month without going to school or working. My brother took care of me and my unborn baby. He paid for my antenatal visits etc. After seven months, my husband called my parent to ask for forgiveness and he promised not to do such again. Then I was eight months pregnant, and my doctor advised not to fly, so we drove back to Houston.  My friend organized a baby shower for me, and people brought a lot of gifts that were enough until my baby turned one year old. Six month after I had my baby girl, I had a gall bladder surgery.

I came back from my surgery on a Friday, and did not see my ex-husband until Tuesday the upper week. Though he came home late at night, took his shower, ate, and left for work the next day he never checked on me or the kids.  I was so depressed, unhappy, so I called his sister in Nigeria because their parents are both dead and he was not in good times with his other siblings, and I explained what had been happening between me and my husband.  I begged his sister to plead with him, and also forgive me if I had done anything wrong. His sister was so mad at his sudden change of attitude towards.  I guessed his sister called him, but he did not like it. However, on Wednesday morning before leaving for work, he came and asked “How is your surgery?” I was so happy because he came to check on us. Two weeks after my surgery, I came home with my sick baby from the clinic, and met the house empty with our clothes in the closet.   I was shocked with what I saw. I called him at work and asked him why our home was empty?  His answer was because I reported him to his sister, so I should go and marry his sister.  I cried and begged him to forgive me.  He said “No, I should stay there with the kids and experience how easy it is to maintain a home.”  I opened the door, cleaned the dusty apartment and laid a bed sheet on the carpet. We stayed there for three days. Then, on the fourth day, they turned off our electricity. I called Reliant Energy and asked them why. They said that the account holder has transferred the electricity to another apartment. So I called my close friend, told her what happened and she asked us to move into her apartment. Meanwhile, I told my parents, my brothers, and sister what had happened. They consoled me, and helped financially. It was so rough. I had to get a job, so I could be pay my bills and take care of the kids. I stayed in my friend’s house for one month, and then I got my own apartment.  A year after he moved out, he was caught by the police for his atrocities to his family and was deported.

          After marriage it’s been so rough, to be a single mother.  Before my ex-husband was deported, -- nine months to be precise -- our new apartment was not furnished, he visited us without any financial assistance, and made mockery of me; saying, “Have you seen how difficult livelihood is? You can’t boost of a chair in your house?”  My answer was “I am still waiting for you to take us back home.”  He laughed, and said “Never, that he is planning on marring another woman in Nigeria” I was shocked to hear what he said. I was so jealous and bitter to hear that he wants to marry another woman. I picked up courage, and I told him “Well you wish is my command, if that’s what you want to do and be happy with, I wish you well.” Then, he left and after one week, he called me and told me that he finally got married to a woman in Nigeria, and she would be coming over to United States of America soon.  I was so depressed, sad. I prayed to God and thanked him for His wisdom and asked God for direction. I decided to move on with my life. I started buying things for my apartment; for instant, furniture and electronics etc. A week later he called that he wanted to see his children. I accepted for him to visit. When he came, he was surprised with what he saw. The whole apartment was looking beautiful and had been fully furnished. He said, “I knew what my wife could do, and that was why I married her.”  For the first time, I had to ask him for some money to take care of the kids; since, he had married another woman.  He promised on bringing some money the next day, and that if I was not around he will put it under my door. He played with his kids and left. The next day, when I came back from work, I opened the door but could not find the money he promised. So I called him and asked him for the money; he shouted at me and hung up the phone. I felt bad.  And I did not call the child support office because it is an abomination to do so in my culture. After one month, his sister called me and said, “Have you heard anything about my brother being in jail?” I told her that I saw him last month, and that I have not heard anything about his brother being in jail. The next day he called me. When I heard his voice, I asked him where he was calling from because the number was one eight-hundred number.  He said, “I am in jail.” I asked him, “Why are you in jail?” He said, “Because I was caught drunk while driving.”  He told me how sorry he was, and that I should forgive him because he realized I was the best woman he had ever met. I told him that I have forgiven him. So finally, they deported my husband because of his immigrant document was not current.  When he was deported, he moved in with the woman he married in Nigeria, but the marriage did not last because the woman married him to come over to United States of America, and not for him to come and stay with her in Nigeria.  After marriage, I encountered many trials on my own path towards my independence; For instance, I had two jobs (6 a.m. – 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. -11 p.m.) which helped me to save up some money and move to a smaller apartment, and furnished it. Secondly, my education was on hold for seven years. Thank God for my nuclear and extended family (my parent, brothers, sister and some of my good friends) that stood by me, yet helping in any way they could. Now I am certified as a nursing assistant, and also certified as a medication aid. Now I am working, I am in college, and also taking care of the kids.  Thank God I am still on the right track to get my education as well as taking care of my three children; Emeka, Nnamdi and Angel (two boys and a girl). My experience in America has taught me to be prayerful, strong, and work towards achieving my dreams to be a college graduate and a Nurse.  And for those who have similar problems, they should be strong, prayerful, and never retaliate with evil. God will take care of the situation.